Being a mom is hard. Or maybe it is just hard for me. This week has proven to be the hardest thus far in my short tenure as a mom.
Eleanor has not felt well which has equated to a number of sleepless nights and lots of tears (from her and me). Tuesday night I felt completely helpless as my sweet girl screamed in pain for hours. She had a virus which caused sores to develop on her tongue. She was in a tremendous amount of pain and there was nothing her daddy and I could do for her. We rocked, we sang, we rubbed her back. Nothing could console her. At one point I was rocking her and began to sob as she screamed "ow, ow, ow, it hurts." It made me think about God and how it must have felt for him to watch his Son suffer on the cross. Just as Eleanor did nothing to deserve the pain she was experiencing, Jesus, perfectly sinless, endured a pain far greater than anything I could ever imagine, which He did not deserve.
Yesterday, as I tried to coax Eleanor into letting me swab her mouth with some medicine the Dr. prescribed to help with the pain, I again thought about God. He does not coax but He does continually offer healing that at times I am too stubborn to accept.
Tonight, as Daniel and I put Eleanor to bed, she cried for almost an hour. I know that she needs to go to bed and I want her to go to bed, but as her mom, I felt guilty for not coming to her rescue. I wonder if God felt guilty for not coming to His Son's rescue when He cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?".
Being a mom is hard but if it were easy I may miss out on the lessons I am learning about God.