Next weekend I have the privilege of leading a retreat for the women of Grace Point Church
I will be speaking on Proverbs 31. I thought it would be fun to write a modern day version of Proverbs 31. So, here for your reading pleasure is Proverbs 31 for today's woman.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil,
As long as he puts his clothes in the hamper
And the toilet seat down.
She looks for wool and flax at Macy’s , Dillards, and The Loft
And tries them on in delight.
She is like merchant ships;
She brings food from afar like Taco Bell, McDonald’s and Pizza Hut.
She rises while it is still night,
After hitting the snooze button a half dozen times.
And gives food to her household, i.e., Poptarts and frozen waffles.
She considers a field and buys it with her earnings,
And hires a landscaper and gardener.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong
By lugging her oversized Coach purse around.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night
Because she falls asleep on the couch with the tv on.
She stretches out her hands
As the tailor at the cleaners alters her clothes.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to her needy children.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For they are all dressed in scarlet fleece pullovers from Old Navy.
She purchases coverings for herself;
Her clothing is exquisite.
Her husband is known in the neighborhood,
Where he hangs out with the other men and talks sports.
She quilts and crochets,
And sells her goods at yard sales and craft shows.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue,
Except when she is reprimanding her children.
She makes sure the house is clean and the laundry is done
Rather than watching Oprah.
Her children acknowledge all her hard work and sacrifice
By making a mess;
Her husband does too,
He complements her by saying,
Honey, you’re the greatest wife ever now “What’s for dinner?”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.